


Beauty and The Beast

by Folsense



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-12-07 11:21:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20975060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Folsense/pseuds/Folsense
Summary: a beautiful story about mirage and his clones





	Beauty and The Beast

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Zoe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoe/gifts).

> bring it in pimps and players its ya boy here  
this was a joke fic please don't take it too seriously  
I headcannon both Mirage and Crypto as trans,  
but somehow shitposting about mirage making out with his clones turned into a whole fic 
> 
> also yes there is actually someone on apex that killed me once called myparentsarecousins and i dont think ive recovered from the experience

Mirage stuttered awkwardly to himself in the mirror, thinking of a suitable time to program his clones. “Yes, I think this’ll work!”  
If a train leaves New York at 12:00, what velocity will the-

Lifeline opened the door, the metal hinge scraping awkwardly against the cheap wallpaper.  
“Sorry to barge in. But I needed to borrow some activated charcoal, a patient of mine just started wheezing the tune to fingers in his ass out of nowhere.” 

A holoclone appeared beside him.  
“Have you heard about 5 minute crafts” The clone blurted out, mimicking lifeline’s posture. “Did you know if you drop strawberries in bleach they turn white?” 

“Uh, Ell- I mean, Mirage. Were you speaking to yourself again?” 

“Duh. Yeah, of course I was. When am I ever not.” Elliot scoffed at her, flipping back his noodle hair. 

“You know that’s a bit strange right.” 

Mirage then did a default dance on Lifeline, pulling out a trans flag and escaping from his own room. “I’m trans and absolutely NOBODY can stop me, not even you.”  
His one lonesome clone stayed there, doing the orange justice as lifeline stared awkwardly at him. 

Lifeline poked her head out of the doorway, seeing Bagalore being relentlessly gay. “MIRAGE, EVERYONE KNOWS YOUR TRANS AND WE ALL SUPPORT YOU!!!” She yelled out, feeling Mirage’s holoclone dissipate behind her. 

“I need to get some new friends.” Lifeline muttered.

Mirage was running down the corridor, sliding to a halt as he saw Bloodhound making themself a sweet coriander corn-kernel coca-cola tea from the blood of that one in apex who’s username was ‘myparentsarecousins’.

A small dark room was left open, Mirage dashed in there slamming the door as fast as possible. He summoned another holo-clone. The smell of the tea outside was intoxicating. 

“Now, where did we get upto in our makeout sesh?” The clone itself looked lustfully into Mirage’s eyes, seeing the small glimmer of mystery lurking beneath them. The two started making out, Mirage loved the feeling of his own beard against his own beard. It was very passionate, as the o.g Mirage went to deepen the kiss, he felt a weird substance bubble up in his throat. 

Why did the smell of tea go from slightly unpleasant to the Denny’s bathroom after 10:00pm located on 15 Hobson St, Auckland CBD, Auckland, New Zealand (1010). 

Mirage’s holoclone disappeared as a shadowy figure appeared behind Mirage.  
“Uh, hey there Crypto. You’re looking handsome today.”  
Crypto said nothing, he just reached into Mirage’s pocket. A small drone by his temple quickly took a picture, and Crypto disappeared back into the darkness; dropping Mirage’s credit card to the floor.

“Dammit that guy took the last four digits of my social. I guess I better go reason with him, maybe if we went out to dinner. Or I took him out to dinner. Or if I took him out during dinner.” 

Mirage walked through the dark room, feeling a thick hook attached to a tiny trapdoor. Mirage made his way down the ladder, each step creaking. The Denny’s bathroom smell got stronger, soon; Mirage figured it out. 

He stepped toward the only available light source in the room, a glass pinata was strung up. It contained a whole lot of ants. Mirage thought that was pretty fucking weird. 

He decided it was too dangerous, crouching down on one knee he summoned a holoclone, instructing it to walk slowly toward where Crypto’s drone hummed. 

The holoclone advanced very slowly, but was disturbed by how many old fries littered the dusty floor. “Man it’s like the tilted towers in here. There’s food everywhere.” 

The holoclone approached Crypto, quickly putting its hands up in the air.  
“Do not shoot me! I am not here to bamboozle! Today I am here, to reason with you.”  
Crypto raised his head, his tone teeming with scepticism. “And what can you offer?”  
The holoclone’s programming snapped into play. 

The else/if statement had been properly activated and now the coding loop programmed in using the segue technique used in the swift app available for free on the ios store. “I can make out with you.”  
Crypto looked welcome to the idea. “Yes, we shall make out now.”

The two passionately started to make out. It was very hot, the holoclone was also programmed to play music during one of the sessions, the chosen track for this was the “10 hours of lo-fi beats to study/relax”. 

Crypto seductively stroked the holoclones hair, but his hand went right through. “Can you please play… my favourite song.”  
“Yes… I can.” The mirage holoclone huffed.  
“I want to listen to… Megalovania… The song that plays when you fight Sans Undertale in the game Undertale by Toby Fox, and after that… You can play fingers in his ass.” 

Mirage started crying because he was very upset over the situation. He ran through the makeshift Denny’s bathroom setting, crying as he saw Crypto making out with his clones in the corner of the room. 

“YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS MAN! That’s my holoclone! Only I can make out with them!!!”

Crypto stood away from the holoclone, placing his hands within each other in a fist shape, firmly pressing them against his lower stomach. “You know I had to do it to ‘em.” He smirked, and then winked. “It’s not only you now.” 

Crypto slowly stepped toward Mirage, who was still in awe over the situation.  
Mirage gathered his courage, trying to appear menacing. “I’m trans.”  
Crypto nodded. “Me too.” Then Mirage punched him very lightly. Crypto fell to the ground in shock, Mirage quickly took back his credit card and told Crypto’s drone to erase the data of his credit card information or he’d leak the drone’s nudes. 

Then Mirage made out with his clone again.

The end.


End file.
